Category Archives: Experience

Our shared experiences of being a Wesleyan queer.

Gay Men Hating Other Gay Men

I stumbled upon this video while on Reddit. It was a very interesting video to me because I did agree with some of what was said, but there were also things that were said that challenged the way I thought about gender expression in the gay community. I’m not even sure how to respond to it because I’m so conflicted and not sure where I stand. I don’t feel that I am “hating” on others because of what I am not attracted to them, but it does feel sometimes that I am hating on the “archetype sort of gay”. And by archetype I mean stereotypical. Overall, I like what Ken and Cole had to say. In addition, one of the people in the video say that gay men tend to hate gay men, and what they mean is they hate a certain type of person. This is a point that makes me uncomfortable. In my head I say I don’t care, but it bothers me. I still to this day cannot figure out what is it that bothers me so much about that “type of person”.

Another person in the video said something that hit close to home in certain ways. They said that the only thing that binds us together as a community is our queerness (and of course the experience that comes with that), but not much else. And for the longest time I just haven’t been able to identify with the queer community. I can identify with my other identities but not with my queerness in the same way.

What are your reactions to this? I’m really curious.

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Being a Transgirl in a Cisnormative World

Okay so now here comes Delilah’s rant on gender in society and how it’s not even remotely okay how people understand and perceive gender roles and expectations.

First, let’s lay some groundwork

As I’m sure many queer people are aware of, the transgender community is a highly neglected and misrepresented group of people in society as a whole, but this is also applicable within the queer community itself.

I was born male, and only until the past few years have I accepted that I identify as female and I no longer want to be perceived as a male. There’s a myriad of issues that have come into my life because of this part of my identity, but we don’t need to get into to heavy detail, at least not now. I promise you I’ll be talking a lot about gender and trans* experiences in my posts.

So let’s get one thing straight.

Sexuality does not equal gender, and vice versa. More importantly, they are both spectrums, not binaries.

These are some important distinctions to make. I’m not going to go into sexuality in this post, because that’s too much to talk about at once. I just wanted to make the distinction between that and gender.

So, yeah, the gender spectrum. I kinda forgot to mention something else.

Gender identity and biological sex are not the same thing.

Your gender identity is whatever part of the gender spectrum you fall on, whether that’s masculine, feminine, androgynous, what have you. I myself don’t even fall 100% on the feminine side, I’m like 70-80% there I’d say. And that’s okay!

Your biological sex is what’s going on your pants. It’s no one’s right but yours to know what’s going on down there, at least until you get your sexy time on with a partner, and even then, it shouldn’t be anyone’s right to judge for what you were born with. I mean, you can’t even control that!

So now let’s talk about how being trans* affects all this stuff

Okay, so now that we’ve made some distinctions about what gender entails, I’m going to jump into my experience as a transgirl.

I actually haven’t met anyone else who identifies the same way I do. Which makes me very, very, very lonely. Very lonely. As I mentioned before, transgender people are ostracized even within the queer community. I’m not going to lie, going to QueerWes meetings and what not always bring a little anxiety with it because I feel awkward talking so much about trans* issues when it doesn’t apply to like 80-90% of people in the room, and it definitely doesn’t apply to anyone in the way it applies to me… (Although, I suppose that’s an inherent truth about any given person).

I don’t really know how to talk about my issues. I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy (i.e., taking testosterone blockers and straight up estrogen) for nearly two months now and yet for some reason I’m still terrified to go out and present female in public. Why is that? Perhaps we can blame cisnormativity and the fact that society ostracizes and even harms people who don’t conform to gender roles. Perhaps I’m scared that I won’t be “enough of a girl,” whatever that means. As in, maybe I feel that in order for people to accept me, I need to actually enforce female stereotypes in regards to my personality, choice of clothing, etc., in order for people to accept me.

Why should I care so much about what other people think of me?

I don’t know. I really, really don’t want to. But I do. And that’s because I’m terrified of alienating the people I love and becoming alone, and no one wants that to happen to them.

Being transgender, especially male-to-female, which brings in so many issues regarding society’s messed up views on masculinity, in a cisnormative world means a lot of things.

  • I don’t have the comfort of using the bathroom without feeling safe.
  • I don’t have the opportunity of securing a job without the risk of being fired for my gender identity.
  • I don’t have the luxury of not having to explain to my romantic and/or sexual partner that I have male parts.
  • Hell, once I finally start presenting female, I won’t even have the ability to just go to lunch without feeling scared that I’ll get ostracized.

Okay, well that’s enough for now

That’s just barely scratching the surface. Okay, this post has gone on way too long already, and there will be much more, trust me, on all the crazy feelings I have and lots more gender-related things and what not. Look forward to them. Sorry if I came off as a whiny, crazy, radical queer. I really don’t like to get angry about my life situation, in fact I like it’s given me opportunity to be an open-minded, loving person.

Come say hi to me in real life, I’m actually a fairly bubbly, friendly, warm, and loving person. At least I hope I am! Thanks for reading this rant of mine and I hope it’s offered some food for thought.

– Delilah Luna Seligman

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Hey QueerWes,

So I went to one of our meetings tonight, and what should we be talking about, but this blog! General consensus was we needed more posts, so I decided to write up a short something about my own current frustration with my queer life.

This week’s/month’s/six month’s frustration:

I’m a female who identifies as bisexual. Being queer has always been an important part of my life, ever since I told my mother at the age of six (or so) that I wanted to be gay when I grew up. However, six months ago (or so) I got engaged to a man. I love him dearly, and he is very much an ally to the queer community, but I’m not sure how he fits into the saga of my queer life. I’m very aware of the hetero-normative decisions I’m making, and thus I feel somewhat ostracized from something that has been an important piece of me in terms of making friends and being involved in something larger. My frustration lies in how to continue communicating to people that I am queer, regardless of the ring on my finger.

So that’s my ongoing frustration. Thanks for reading!

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Queer Vocabulary: Stud

I was talking to some queer folk and one of them mentioned there being “studs” at her school and I wasn’t really sure what that meant. I stumbled upon a video that I think might answer that question.

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END OF THE WORLD THEMED PARTY

END OF THE WORLD

DRESSED AS GAY MARRIAGE

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Brendan Talks About Stuff: Thoughts on Homosexuality and Gay Marriage

Brendan Talks About Stuff | Thoughts on Homosexuality and Gay Marriage.

Hey y’all. This was posted earlier today by one of our peers at Wes.

A bit:

“But there are many gay people who are not as lucky as I am. There are gay kids that kill themselves every year due to bullying. There are straight kids who suffer bullying due to suspicions that they’re gay. Despite what some people may tell you, our society is not friendly toward homosexuality. Approximately 50% of LGBT kids experience some degree of rejection from their family, and those who experience a “high degree of rejection” are eight times more likely to attempt suicide than straight kids. That is something that must be changed. The happiness of a child should not be determined by their sexuality, and the happiness of a homosexual child should not be determined by the politics or religion of the family into which they are born.

 

That is why I support gay marriage.

 

Not because I might want to get married some day.

Not because I want to challenge the concept of “traditional marriage” held by religious groups.

Not because I want to stick it to conservatives.

 

I support it because it’s a step toward creating a more tolerant society.

I support it because I don’t think that an immutable part of someone’s identity should determine whether or not their marriage can be legally recognized.

I support it because a “domestic partnership” or “civil union” is not a marriage, and separate is not equal.

I support it because kids who reach middle school should be able to look at happily married gay couples and know that it gets better.”

 

Thoughts?

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